I had that experience when I was 11 years old and it changed everything.

I was a naturally curious child. Some people – normally my mother – would have said I was ‘into everything’. I thought this was a good thing; often she did not.

I was always exploring, trying to find out how things worked, and always asking questions.

When I was growing up we had a family friend who was a self-made multi-millionaire. I found him fascinating and would always try to ask him lots of questions.

My mum didn’t think that this successful man would be interested in the questions of an 11-year-old so she often tried to limit my conversation with him. My mum was also from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ school of manners. My much more progressive approach was the total opposite. I’d try anything to get to talk to him.

One day we went for a walk and I decided this was my opportunity.

He was very rich, I was 11 and not rich so I decided that asking him how he became rich might help me become rich too. It seemed entirely logical to me so I started asking my questions. My mum clearly thought my ‘So how come you’re so rich?’ approach was incredibly rude and told me to be quiet and stop asking questions.

His response was to tell her off for telling me off. It was a sweet moment for me, I can tell you. He went on to give me some of the best advice I’ve ever received.

He said: ‘Wendy if you want to know the answer, ask the question.’ and ‘if you want to be on the team say yes when they ask you to join.’

This simple and yet profound advice has stayed with me since then. His advice gave me the courage to ask questions and get involved in things I wouldn’t have dared to. This approach had worked for him and so I figured it might work for me.

This incredibly successful man had given me permission to take risks and to not fear failure.

A recent survey found that successful CEOs were ‘more likely to say yes than to say no.’ this seems obvious, doesn’t it?

If you want to make something happen – anything happen – you have to say yes. Because saying ‘yes’ opens a door for you in a way saying ‘no’ never will.

When I worked as an Event Director part of my role was to invite people to speak at our conferences. It was a privilege to do. Most people’s response was ‘yes, of course, I’d love to do that.’ Pretty much the only people who ever said ‘no thanks, I don’t think I can do that’ were women. Women seemed to see a hundred reasons why they couldn’t or shouldn’t take the opportunity while men seemed to see all the reasons they could and should.

One day I had to call someone I was just getting to know to ask them to speak so I started the conversation: ‘Hi Rachel. I‘m just calling to ask you to…’ before I’d finished my sentence Rachel said ‘yes, I’ll do it.’

My response was ‘but I haven’t actually told you what I’m asking you to do yet.’ Rachel’s response was ‘whatever you’re going to ask me to do I’m going to say yes to it.’ I’d never had someone say ‘yes’ before I’d even asked before.

Rachel’s approach was unique.

Her view is that women often say ‘no’ and rule themselves out before they even know what they are being asked. So Rachel’s approach is to say ‘yes’ and then find out more. And, if the opportunity isn’t right for her she’ll find someone who can do it better than she can.

In very different spheres my millionaire friend and Rachel with their say ‘yes’ approach have made a significant impact.

Wally’s company started with one lorry on a farm in East Anglia; it is now one of the largest haulage companies in the UK employing thousands of people. Rachel started her career as a youth worker on a Youth for Christ bus in East Anglia; she is a nationally recognised leader in Mission and Evangelism Adviser across the church in the UK.

It’s amazing where saying ‘yes’ can lead you.

Wally or Rachel didn’t know where saying yes would lead them but they were brave enough to try.

Are you a ‘yes’ person or a ‘no’ person?

Do you rule yourself in or rule yourself out?

Do you open the door or close it on yourself?

Maybe, we should all try saying yes more often.

This article was previously published in Liberti Magazine.

The post THE ART OF SAYING OF YES first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

Later that day I went past a church and the sign outside said ‘The wages of sin is death.’ Unsurprisingly, I guess, I walked straight past.

These two signs got me thinking.

It’s amazing how much you can communicate in a few words.

These words really affected me. The coffee shop made me feel positive. The church sign had the opposite effect.

It made me wonder, what message is my life sending. And how can I make it a positive one.

The post SIGNS OF OUR LIVES first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

I had coffee with a friend the other day and we were talking about his job. He was about to go on a leadership retreat and his team had contributed 360° input to this. I asked him what he thought they’d say about him. His response was that they’d say that ‘I am a visionary leader who always produces work of an excellent standard, that I have incredible energy and great communication skills. And that I am basically amazing at my job.’

If I’m honest I expected him to laugh after he made this statement and say ‘only joking!’  But he didn’t, he was totally serious. He, genuinely, thought his team would say all that about him.

Now this guy is a visionary leader, he is a great communicator and he is amazing at his job. I respect him immensely. What struck me about this conversation was the fact I don’t know one woman leader who if I asked her what her colleagues thought of her would say what he said.  And I know lots of women leaders.

Time and again I’m in conversation with women leaders who struggle they are called to lead, that the work they’re doing is significant and that they are actually good at it. They’d never talk about themselves like my friend did.

In fact, many of them go to the other extreme and talk about themselves and what they are doing in negative terms. Some actively seek to downplay what they’re doing as ‘just little old me doing my best.’ I know this to be true because I’ve done it myself.

So why do so many of us doubt ourselves so much and struggle to embrace who and what we’re called to be?

Rev Dr Kate Coleman explores this question in her fantastic book ‘7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership’.  Kate identifies that many women fall into behaviour she calls ‘Limiting Self Perception’.  Essentially we – sometimes – struggle to see ourselves as leaders and consequently undermine our own skills and influence. Some psychologists call this ‘imposter syndrome’. That despite evidence of our accomplishments we feel like frauds and put our achievements down to luck or the misjudgment of others. Ever felt like that yourself?

Just the other day a male leader asked me why one of his female team, who is extraordinarily gifted, lacks confidence. He was asking about someone who is nationally recognised in her role and has the respect of her peers and wider Christian community. I was glad that he cared enough about her to ask.

What I wanted to be able to say is I’ve got a machine that can fix that.  Bring her over all I need is 5 minutes and she can go on my ‘confidence machine’ and she’ll be all fixed: she’ll be more confident, more secure in her ability, more aware of her achievements, more able to embrace what she’s called to be and do.  How I wish I had a magical machine like that but sadly I don’t.

If you’re one of those women who doubt your own abilities, achievements and right to be in the role you’re in, unfortunately you’re in good company.  And I’d be tricking you if I said there was an easy two-step programme to become more confident. What I do know is that our confidence is often linked to our understanding of our identity in Christ.

I’m glad that when I became a Christian friends explained that being a follower of Jesus was about becoming a surrendered servant. They told me that all I was, all I had and all I was going to be were God’s and not mine. All I needed was to stay open-hearted and willing to be obedient. I’ve never been scared to admit that without Jesus I’m nothing.

For me knowing who I am has enabled me to approach life more confidently.  My friend Danielle Strickland often says ‘Jesus isn’t a crutch, for me he’s the whole stretcher.’  We all need to connect with the value God places on us, realising that we’re precious and daring to delight in what God is doing in us and through us.

I’m aware of my own brokenness but I know that I’m on a journey to wholeness. So I don’t let my past experiences hold me back.

Recognising how God sees us can revolutionise how we think and speak about ourselves.  It can stop us from talking ourselves down and also save us from talking ourselves up. When I’m part of something that goes well or succeeds, I take some encouragement for myself and my team, and then give the rest of the credit, where it belongs, back to God.

There is no trick to being confident but seeing ourselves as God sees us is a good place to start.

This article was first published in Liberti Magazine. 

The post THE QUESTION EVERY WOMAN LEADER ASKS first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

In the death of Maya Angelou we lost so much.

We lost a woman who used her voice for speak for those without a voice. We lost a woman who was incredibly wise and yet spoke with simple clarity. We lost a woman who experienced pain and knew how to overcome it.

But more than all that we lost a woman who to the very core of her being epitomized courage.

Maya Angelou once said that ‘Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.’

Recently I’ve been struck about how important and necessary courage is. We don’t often talk about it but many people have to be courageous every day of their lives.

It takes courage to take a stand and speak out when others remain silent. It takes courage to encounter rejection and not become cynical. It takes courage to live selflessly when others are selfishly ambitious.  It takes courage to be treated badly and not seek revenge. It takes courage to go on when life has knocked you down.

But, the more I’ve thought about Maya Angelou, the more I’ve realised at the core of this amazing women was not only courage but also hope.

Maya experienced a world that was brutal and unjust. As a child she was subjected the most terrible experience – being raped by someone she should have been able to trust. Then watching that man be killed and believing it to be her fault she was mute for almost five years.

But despite this – and many other terrible experiences – through her writing, teaching, activism and art she showed us how to live life infused with hope. To live a life that believed for better.

Through her writing she spoke into being a world that was better than the one we often experience. She enabled us to dream for a better tomorrow than the world we experience today. Through her own example of fighting against the odds, she gave us the courage and hope that we too could overcome all that life throws at us.

So embrace hope and courage. And know to the very core of your being that they are the ‘fuel’ for a life well lived.

RIP Maya Angelou you taught us all so much.

The post A TRIBUTE: COURAGEOUS TO THE CORE first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

The words hung in the air. They hung there refusing to go away.

My friend, Lauren, had been through a tough time and had felt that some of her friends who should have been there for her hadn’t. It was difficult to know what to say to make life better.

What do you say to someone who is really hurting, who has been badly let down and feels isolated and alone? When someone utters the words ‘I don’t know who my real friends are’ they are letting you into a deep part of their soul.

Lauren’s words that day have refused to leave me. They almost haunt me. They haunt me because they make me wonder what being a ‘real friend’ means.

Lauren’s pain was real.

Lauren’s pain wasn’t going away.

Lauren’s pain became my pain as I struggled to it make sense of it.

I think Lauren had a right to expect her friends to ‘show up’ for her. After all, isn’t that what friends do?

Lauren hadn’t wanted much from them. All she needed was for them to reach out to her. To call or text and say comforting words like ‘sorry life is tough.’  When this didn’t happen she was left bewildered.

As I thought about Lauren I realised that her friends did really care even if they didn’t show it. Lauren’s friends are good people who would be upset if they knew how much they’d hurt her. Its just that they are all living a ‘too tired, too busy, too late’ kind of life. Always rushing. Always playing catch up. Always struggling to juggle life.

A lot of people I know live like that – too tired, too busy and too late.

Showing up takes time that many of us don’t have. It also takes effort and many of us are worn out. It takes thought and we’re juggling too much already. Given all that, it is easy to see why some of us don’t ‘show up’ that often.

But we need to show up – not just for our friends but also for ourselves. When our lives become so busy that we can’t reach out to a friend in need – we need to stop and reconsider our priorities because our lives are clearly out of synch.

The thing that really saddened me about Lauren’s situation was that this was happening inside the church. Now I don’t think Christians have a monopoly on goodness – I’ve been around too long to think that. But I do think Christians should be good at friendship. And too often we’re not.

Lauren wasn’t asking for much. All she needed was people to show they cared. That shouldn’t be too much to ask of anyone you call a friend. If friendship doesn’t include simple care like that – then it isn’t worth much.

Most of us will start this week already playing ‘catch up’. Our To Do lists are too long, our inbox’s are too full and if you’re anything like me you’re wondering if you’ll get everything done.

So knowing that, why not take some time to do something that will make you feel good at the start of your week?

Reach out to a friend send a text, send a card, buy them a coffee – do anything that shows that you care. It’ll make their day, and probably yours too.

The post I DON’T KNOW WHO MY REAL FRIENDS ARE first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

I love being a woman, I always have.  Ever since I was a small child, I’ve loved the fact that I’m female.  I was fortunate to be born into a family that celebrated women and believed that women could do anything.  This was just as well because early in my childhood my mum discovered that she was going to have to do just that – anything and everything.

My mum is one of my heroes.  She’s a straight talking East Londoner who calls a ‘spade a spade’.  She’s comfortable with having an opinion, finding the right words to express herself and is comfortable if you don’t agree with her.  It wasn’t until I was much older that I realised how amazingly freeing this ‘life lesson’ was. I’ve found that knowing that you have the right to an opinion is a powerful tool to yield in life.

When I was growing up, as much as I loved being a girl, I also loved doing things that were usually associated with being a boy.  Most of my childhood, I could be found climbing trees, making dens, playing on building sites and riding motorbikes.  In fact, for quite a few years every Sunday I’d spend my day at a motocross track racing around it trying to win.  Another amazing ‘life lesson’ I didn’t know I was learning. On that track I found out that being a girl didn’t matter if you good at riding a motorbike. Winning wasn’t about gender it was about skill.

These life lessons framed my childhood – they spoke loudly and clearly into my young soul.  They defined much of what I’ve become as an adult and as a leader who also happens to be female.  I grew up believing in equality, justice and freedom.  I believed in them because every day I experienced and lived in the fullness of each of them.

And just in case after reading all that you think I had an idyllic childhood I, like many of you, only knew what idyllic meant because we read books about the ‘Famous Five’.   My mum went back to work when I was about 4 months old, she always had to work full-time which meant that I often came home to an empty house, my parents separated when I was 9 which wasn’t at all commonplace when I was a kid and, then, when I was 16 years old three members of my immediate family, including my dad, died of cancer in the space of just six months.  Life was far from idyllic. But I became the person I am because of my circumstances not in spite of them.

I totally believe that the most powerful words you hear are the words you say to yourself.  Growing up the words I said to myself were incredibly powerful and very simple. My constant internal monologue was: ‘Be good, be kind, try your best. You can do it Beechy.’  I cheered myself on with these words while throwing myself at life at full speed (often on a motorbike).

The late, great Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop, used to say: ‘To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality.’  I love Anita Roddick but, contrary to popular opinion, she didn’t start the Body Shop to build a global brand and change the world while doing it.  Her aspirations were much more meaningful than that: she started the Body Shop so she could feed her children while her husband was trekking across the Americas.

The trouble with quotes like this is that we use them to define what success looks like – especially if we hold some leadership responsibility which clearly we all do because we’re women and that’s what us women do!  So if doing something like starting the Body Shop feels beyond your reach right now celebrate every success you have in life no matter how big or small you think it is.

After all, when Anita Roddick, one of the UK’s most successful business entrepreneurs ever, started  out she thought that being a success was about making enough money to ‘put food on the table.’  And if that was good enough place for her to start, it’s probably good enough for us too.

This article was first published in Liberti Magazine.

The post BE GOOD, BE KIND, TRY YOUR BEST first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.