I had that experience when I was 11 years old and it changed everything.

I was a naturally curious child. Some people – normally my mother – would have said I was ‘into everything’. I thought this was a good thing; often she did not.

I was always exploring, trying to find out how things worked, and always asking questions.

When I was growing up we had a family friend who was a self-made multi-millionaire. I found him fascinating and would always try to ask him lots of questions.

My mum didn’t think that this successful man would be interested in the questions of an 11-year-old so she often tried to limit my conversation with him. My mum was also from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ school of manners. My much more progressive approach was the total opposite. I’d try anything to get to talk to him.

One day we went for a walk and I decided this was my opportunity.

He was very rich, I was 11 and not rich so I decided that asking him how he became rich might help me become rich too. It seemed entirely logical to me so I started asking my questions. My mum clearly thought my ‘So how come you’re so rich?’ approach was incredibly rude and told me to be quiet and stop asking questions.

His response was to tell her off for telling me off. It was a sweet moment for me, I can tell you. He went on to give me some of the best advice I’ve ever received.

He said: ‘Wendy if you want to know the answer, ask the question.’ and ‘if you want to be on the team say yes when they ask you to join.’

This simple and yet profound advice has stayed with me since then. His advice gave me the courage to ask questions and get involved in things I wouldn’t have dared to. This approach had worked for him and so I figured it might work for me.

This incredibly successful man had given me permission to take risks and to not fear failure.

A recent survey found that successful CEOs were ‘more likely to say yes than to say no.’ this seems obvious, doesn’t it?

If you want to make something happen – anything happen – you have to say yes. Because saying ‘yes’ opens a door for you in a way saying ‘no’ never will.

When I worked as an Event Director part of my role was to invite people to speak at our conferences. It was a privilege to do. Most people’s response was ‘yes, of course, I’d love to do that.’ Pretty much the only people who ever said ‘no thanks, I don’t think I can do that’ were women. Women seemed to see a hundred reasons why they couldn’t or shouldn’t take the opportunity while men seemed to see all the reasons they could and should.

One day I had to call someone I was just getting to know to ask them to speak so I started the conversation: ‘Hi Rachel. I‘m just calling to ask you to…’ before I’d finished my sentence Rachel said ‘yes, I’ll do it.’

My response was ‘but I haven’t actually told you what I’m asking you to do yet.’ Rachel’s response was ‘whatever you’re going to ask me to do I’m going to say yes to it.’ I’d never had someone say ‘yes’ before I’d even asked before.

Rachel’s approach was unique.

Her view is that women often say ‘no’ and rule themselves out before they even know what they are being asked. So Rachel’s approach is to say ‘yes’ and then find out more. And, if the opportunity isn’t right for her she’ll find someone who can do it better than she can.

In very different spheres my millionaire friend and Rachel with their say ‘yes’ approach have made a significant impact.

Wally’s company started with one lorry on a farm in East Anglia; it is now one of the largest haulage companies in the UK employing thousands of people. Rachel started her career as a youth worker on a Youth for Christ bus in East Anglia; she is a nationally recognised leader in Mission and Evangelism Adviser across the church in the UK.

It’s amazing where saying ‘yes’ can lead you.

Wally or Rachel didn’t know where saying yes would lead them but they were brave enough to try.

Are you a ‘yes’ person or a ‘no’ person?

Do you rule yourself in or rule yourself out?

Do you open the door or close it on yourself?

Maybe, we should all try saying yes more often.

This article was previously published in Liberti Magazine.

The post THE ART OF SAYING OF YES first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.

For many ‘having it all’ means effortlessly juggling work, family, friends and a social life perfectly while feeling equally fulfilled in every role.  Maybe you can get close to ‘having it all’ if you’ve got a job where you get paid the earth for doing not much and can actually pay other people to clean your house, run your errands, do your shopping – AKA run your life for you.  But for the rest of us who get paid regular money for increasingly longer hours I think ‘having it all’ is, probably, fast becoming a long lost dream.
While reading all the articles around this debate I read a fascinating quote from Amy Walburn: ‘It is our responsibility as educated career women to understand more comprehensively what the quest to “have it all” really means. It means that we need to fight for women’s equality everywhere.’ Oh wow!  Now that puts a whole new perspective on what ‘having it all’ means.  That quote has challenged me to the core and made me ask myself the question: ‘if I’m wanting to have it all – how and where am I fighting to ensure that others get it (all) too?’ I’m an ethical shopper.

The fact that I refuse to buy from certain shops draws a wry smile from some of my friends and complaints from my daughters.  But I refuse to give my money to corporations who don’t take their corporate responsibility seriously and won’t bow to consumer pressure to change their work practices. And continue to exploit women and children who have no voice to complain. I’m often asked by younger women leaders how I make my life work.

My answer is pretty much always the same: decide what’s important to you, be prepared to compromise (none of us ever gets everything we want), do the best you can, be determined to make life work for you instead you for it.  And, really importantly, realize that you’re making up your own story so there aren’t less right or wrong answers than you think.

Following these recent discussions I’ll be adding to that list.  When the next person asks me, I’ll add that making life work for you must also include making life work for others who don’t yet have the privileges we take for granted.  Unfortunately, women aren’t equal in many spheres of life in the UK – the fact that so few women are in politics, in the boardroom or represented in culture is an outrage. However, the fact that basic human rights are not even a dream let alone a reality for  hundreds of thousands of women across the globe is actual a travesty.

Women are routinely exploited, tortured, denied their rights and persecuted just because of their gender in many places throughout the world.  I was utterly outraged when I heard that Saudi Arabia has only just bowed to pressure and allowed women to compete in the Olympics.  Currently they only have two female competitors who both live outside Saudi and apparently have no influence there. It’s a start and hopefully a signal to Saudi women and needs to be celebrated as such but there is so much more to be done.  Because, as a friend of mine  says, until all of us are free none of us are free.

Stuff to think about…

What do you think ‘is it possible to ‘have it all’?

Do you think we have a responsibility to speak for women who face gender injustice? If you do, how do you go about doing that?

The post IS ‘HAVING IT ALL’ A LONG LOST DREAM? first appeared on Wendy Beech-Ward.